advocate

I listened to my aunt's goals for my cousin, and informed her how her goals could best match up with a school's goals. I prompted her to share supports that help my cousin at home and historically in school to come up with a list of proposed accommodations. I asked her how active she wanted me to participate in the meeting and was delighted when she gave me the green light... we came up with a game plan and were ready. Now, I am a special educator. I want to assume that others join this field for the same reasons I do, but that's simply not reality. Or rather, even those with the best intentions could be doing unintential harm through simply not knowing (or caring to know) better. Being traditionally on the other side for IEP meetings, I knew I needed to approach the meeting delicatly from my perspective, and not start throwing a fit based solely on what my aunt shared with me. I was ready to listen, fact-check, and ensure the IEP was not simply written for compliance, but in the true spirit of IDEA. 

Since my aunt and her family live in Nebraska, I joined the meeting virtually. I was greeted by a large table surrounded by staff members who very clearly wanted to be anywhere else but in that IEP meeting in the last few days of the school year. I watched as my aunt walked into the room to sideways glances and a couple mumbles of a hello. My skin nearly crawled when I tried to imagine what it would feel like in her shoes walking into such an unwelcoming space for such a vulnerable meeting. 

I wish I could say the tone of the meeting improved at any point after my first impression, but it wouldn't be further from the truth. Instead, I observed this table of 10 professionals talk over her, dismiss her, and literally roll their eyes as she spoke. I was horrified, again, thinking about her and what that must feel like as a mother who only wants what's best for her son with Autism. After I had seen everything I needed to, it was my turn.

I'll save you the details, but I will say that nearly four hours later, the group decided to table the meeting since we were closing in on 7 pm. My cousin's case manager continued to try to rush through a draft IEP that was laughable while his principal thought stating, "But this is how we've always done it" was acceptable. It was absolutely brutal. 

We came back together within a few days now with the district big wigs in attendance. The meeting was started by the Director of Special Education sharing a "Code of Conduct" that essentially told me and my aunt to be nice (which equated to simply agreeing with their ill-informed proposals) or be quiet. We refused. Another three hours later, the meeting concluded to everyone's relief. My aunt immediately called me in tears and shared she finally felt heard for the first time in 8 long years. 

My purpose sharing all of this is to relay to you that I get it. I see you, parents and guardians of students with learning differences. As monstrous as those meetings were, I drove home completely invigorated; overwelmed with feelings of accomplishment, purpose, and justice. 

You should not need two Master's degrees in order to have a leg to stand on in IEP meetings, but that's sadly the reality too often. You are inundated with jargon and feedback from professionals you'd like to hope have your child's best intentions at heart. You don't know what you don't know, so you simply sign where you're asked to but leave with feelings of regret. Hear me when I say that it doesn't have to be that way, because we are Better Together.